Tuesday, May 18, 2010


A couple of weeks ago I did some calculating, and I realized (unfortunately) that I was about thirty pounds over my perspective wieght based on my height and bone structure. This didnt exactly come to me as a shock... My self-image hasnt ever been all that great. I was scared that this knowledge would trigger some bad habits that lead me into a eating disorerlike craze that I believed I had kicked for good. Its hard for me to find balance, and with eating, I didnt want myself to go overboard either way.

Its hard for me to find balance. I obsess with so much, and then when I start trying to find balance, I obsess in what that balance is supposed to look like, and how close to the mark Ive set I am. I try hard to not create opportunities for me to outlet my addictive personality, but its so hard when things are like this. Cant do too much, cant do too little, but cant become too controlling in doing neither excessively... I dont know.

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